Although it was a fun movie, sometimes Hollywood likes to just not care. Specifically for Zombieland 2, Jesse Eisenberg totally ruined reality with guns, and his character also told a giant lie. And that’s part of the reason I decided to make this Zombieland: Double Tap review!
I also made a short film back in my film student days in which I gave an artistic rendition of how Abraham Lincoln became president: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uJunMOxmy0
What movies should be featured on Movies Are Dumb Sometimes?
Lazy Transcription for Zombieland: Double Tap – Movies Are Dumb Sometimes
America – land of the free – they say and according to Zombieland, that falsehood is driven more so into our minds. Welcome to Movies Are Dumb Sometimes and this is my review of Zombieland 2: Double Tap.
If there’s one thing that I probably will repeat a lot through these movie reviews that I do and it seems like people don’t care enough…there has to be some sort of sense of realism. Because the movies, I mean, ultimately, otherwise actors wouldn’t try to act really well.
Actors want things to be real; that’s why they go through all the training. That’s why they put themselves through so much! So my question is – one of the most real things that is very not touched by Hollywood because they hate guns but they love guns cuz it makes some money.
So this is my monopod but I’m just gonna treat it like it’s a rifle or a shotgun shotgun cuz Jesse Eisenberg’s character…I forget his name but he…what is this Columbus Ohio! I should know that. I lived there for a couple years.
But he’s sitting there with his shotgun and the opening sequence…I loved it! It was great! I loved how they did the opening credits! That was great except he would shoot his shotgun and he would pull the trigger and nothing would happen! And I don’t know if you have ever shot a shotgun before, but when you pull that trigger…it goes multiple times.
One time, I went skeet shooting and I shot…I didn’t shoot it a lot I mean I did I was actually hitting the skeet (clay pigeon) that time like every single time that I shot. It was so much fun, but I shot probably twenty to thirty times. When I got home, I took off my shirt in there was this giant bruise and a bruise doesn’t happen when you pull the trigger and nothing happens.
So Jesse Eisenberg, you get an F for your acting ability all because you couldn’t do the simplest thing just pretend like the gun was shot!
Oh and yeah and there’s a limited ammo in the world, which is years after the first Zombieland and it’s just like okay – I’m willing to suspend my disbelief but like you have to explain things to me sometimes!
I know it’s a movie. I know it’s not real…and that’s where we have to talk about one line in this movie that basically ruined the whole movie for me!
So Columbus is with Emma Stone’s character…now I can’t remember her name!
But they’re there to get that joke about how they’re in like the Lincoln’s bedroom or whatever and Emma Stone doesn’t like Lincoln looking right at her cuz the pictures there so they blindfolded him. He unblindfolds it and she’s like “What the F!?”
And he’s like “How can you blind the man who emancipated the slaves and who ended the Civil War?”
Now, if people didn’t treat movies like they were documentaries, I probably wouldn’t be too worried about it, except they do. So we have to address the point that Abraham Lincoln did not end the Civil War and Abraham Lincoln did not emancipate the slaves and it’s not even a big deal that he did!
Oh okay calm down, because in the rest of the world slavery was ending anyway okay and we act like we we’re so great ending slavery when slavery had pretty much ended in most parts of the world already so for him to do at that point…which Lincoln has been noted multiple times claiming that whites and blacks shouldn’t mix.
So it’s not he didn’t even see them that they could be equals and it’s just like okay, he did not emancipate he emancipated the slaves. It was a war measure. If he really believed in it, he would have done it when he first took office, but he did not!
And you can’t say the Civil War was a slavery issue because if you don’t know about the Corwin amendment, the original Thirteenth Amendment, the original 13th Amendment, was the Corwin amendment and what that was going to do was to take slavery out of the hands of the federal government so that each individual state could decide whether or not was going to have slavery.
And if they were worried about Lincoln in coming in and or whoever the federal government if the South was really worried about losing their slaves, that would have ended it because then each state could have said, “Yes! we’re gonna have slaves!” or “No! we’re not gonna have slaves!”
So this whole notion that slavery was even like an issue….a major issue like we all think it is…is ridiculous and he did not end the Civil War – the soldiers dying did.
To give this man the credit he started the Civil War he’s the one who just conscripted armies, who had our first income tax in this country, who didn’t go to Congress to start this war, shutting down newspapers – over 300 newspapers – because they were printing out like opinions against the war…
He deported a congressman from Ohio – Huh oh hey Columbus huh! He should know about it!
But he deported this congressman from Ohio because the congressman was anti-war, especially anti-this civil war in which Lincoln didn’t go to get approval for at all.
So we have like this big thing in this Zombieland where it’s telling us, and like I said, if this if people didn’t think movies were documentaries, this probably wouldn’t bug me because it’s just a movie.
Movies are for entertainment, but people will look at this and go, “Oh yes! Lincoln ended the Civil War and Lincoln emancipated the slaves!” and it’s like Okay
There’s so much to this! But sorry, I went off on a rant there but Hollywood needs to learn history and they need to be responsible…but they also want the public schools who teach us this stuff!
So you know I sound like a crazy guy now. I don’t really care because I’m speaking the truth and sometimes the truth hurts!
But Zombieland was a fun movie. I mean, I enjoyed it.
I don’t understand Babylon!
So there’s this place called Babylon, where it’s all peaceful and everybody gets along and they melt down the guns and somehow melting down the guns repels zombies I guess! Because they have these super zombies now in Zombieland.
I don’t understand how like Babylon was never attacked and then at one point like the catalyst for the climax of the movie, they set off a whole bunch of fireworks and they act like that wasn’t gonna do anything and I was just like “Come on! Think a little harder when you’re making your movies!”
Like why did they set off the fireworks? How did they get all the fireworks? Why didn’t they know that these fireworks would attract the zombies? Why didn’t these zombies ever come by here in the first place?
Oh! it’s because they melted their guns? I don’t know.
But sorry, most of the time when I do these movie things I’m not gonna rant about Abraham Lincoln but I felt if movies are going to be looked at as documentaries, they should at least get some of the facts right!
So thank you for watching Movies Are Dumb Sometimes, where we talked about Zombieland: Double Tap today. If you like this, if you like my early rant about Lincoln go ahead and leave comments below.
Tell me how you love Lincoln! Tell me how you hate him! I don’t know, I love doing the research on this guy, but how did you enjoy the movie? Like I said, I had a good time in the movie after I got over it! Took me about five minutes but as you could tell it was a moment in the movie that touched me deeply and so I had to talk about it!
So I appreciate your time today!
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