This movie hurt my head…but that’s why Movies Are Dumb Sometimes! So please, if you can correct anything that I have negative to say about Godzilla Vs. Kong, please correct me. But the first thing you must explain to me how the security in Godzilla Vs. Kong is nonexistent!
What do you think? Should movies be more open to test audiences? I use to go to pre-screenings because it was free to see the movie, but then I got annoyed with the experience. I know they get audience feedback sometimes, and I wonder if the filmmakers even listen to them. But don’t you think a lot of dumb things in movies shouldn’t even get to the pre-screening stage?
Spoiler Alert – There will be plenty of spoilers below!
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Happy with the Movie-Goers
Visually, this movie is stupendous. I’m ultra happy that I went to the theater to see it. I don’t understand how people can enjoy this type of movie on a smaller screen, save an uber-fancy home theater set up! I don’t mean just your big screen you got at Walmart. Full surround, large screen, theater seats, popcorn machine….ahhh, one day I’ll have my dream set-up…
Anyways, I’m happy people are going out to see it, at the time of this being posted, has approximately doubled its budget of somewhere around $150,000,000 to $200,000,000! Could you imagine the numbers if it didn’t have a mirrored HBO Max release?
Back in January, HBO Max had about 37,000,000 subscribers. If 10% of those went to the theater to watch Godzilla Vs. Kong and if they paid $10 for a ticket, that’s another $37,000,000 that the movie would’ve made! But, how are we to know how much it made from streaming rights?
This also doesn’t include the weirdos who think pirating a movie isn’t theft. Did you know obtaining something without permission is theft? See, it’s not just movies that are dumb sometimes! 😉
I honestly still worry a bit that theaters will fail. Hopefully they won’t. It took them forever, but Regal finally reopened. Speaking as an outsider of the theater industry, movie theaters need to get more creative.
But Was The Security In Godzilla Vs. Kong Worth the Ticket Price?
No. It isn’t! We all should get $2 back for this offensive shortfall of the absence of security in Godzilla Vs. Kong.
One of the techies working at Apex Cybernetics, Bernie Hayes (Brian Tyree Henry), believes Apex is doing something extremely shady. He even has a podcast telling everyone he’s an insider and he’s going to get to the bottom of it (more on this later).
Early into the movie, Godzilla decides to show he is a bad mo’frackey by showing up to an Apex Cybernetics compound and DESTROYS it! Amidst the chaos, Bernie, instead of running for his life with everyone else, decides to investigate Apex. He descends underground to find what appears to be a new energy source of some sort.
Here is where we are introduced to the security in Godzilla Vs. Kong, at least for Apex. They question what Bernie is doing there (while Godzilla destroys everything) and Bernie tries to actually to talk his way out of it, ha! However, something explodes or something, and the two security guards are taken out.
What is surprising is those two guards seem to be the extent of security in Godzilla Vs. Kong, at least for Apex!
Where’s the rest of Apex Cybernetics Security in Godzilla Vs. Kong?
First off, how does Apex not know about Bernie’s podcast? He literally says he’s going to expose them and that he’s an insider. He’s not even disguising his voice at all.
I’m willing to accept that in his little apartment he can maintain some sort of security to prevent Apex from discovering him, but it’s not like Apex is some sort of ma and pop shop. It’s a global tech company. I thought maybe they were letting him do it so they can catch him or use him as a fall guy for something, but they literally don’t address him and his podcast through the whole movie.
Eventually, teenage protagonists Madison Russell (Millie Bobby Brown) and Josh (Julian Dennison) find Bernie in a day or something by tracking down where he bought bleach or something. Something Apex Cybernetics security has no interest in doing! Madison convinces Bernie to let them join his hunt for the truth, and they head to the rubble at Apex Godzilla left.
Bernie, Madison, and Josh are able to just waltz onto the compound! Literally, the sequence starts with them just running through the rubble and getting deep into the Apex compound. Not one security personnel is anywhere. Not one camera catches them running around. It’s just a plot of land with millions of dollars of tech just hanging out!
Security in Godzilla Vs. Kong Appears in Hong Kong…Eventually!
The gang eventually finds some capsule with contained Skull Crawlers. They go in it and it takes off. The security in Godzilla Vs. Kong is still nowhere to be found.
Traveling at a miraculous 630 MPH, all three of them are just hanging out in the pod. Does this pod have some sort of gravitation control or something? That’s never explained.
Just think when you’re in an airplane or car and you accelerate. You go back into your seat a little bit, but apparently not if you’re 630 MPH!
They land in Hong Kong. “Finally!” I remember thinking. “Security or SOMEONE will definitely be there to receive the capsule.” But why would I think such ridiculousness? Well, because there was no one.
The three wander around for a bit before someone eventually startles the band of security evaders (but I don’t think it was even security). They then wander to some giant, dark room that houses Mechagodzilla. However, somehow, no one sees the three of them in the room?
At some point, you would think the people who screen movies would have been able to point all of these security flaws. Apex shouldn’t even be in existence if these three can literally go almost all over the place and Bernie can have a whistleblower podcast that Apex knows nothing about!
Finally, they wander in to some room where a scientist sees them. Security shows up and detains them, but they don’t even have flex cuffs! They are escorted all the way to the CEO of Apex, Walter Simmons (Demián Bichir), without any type of detainment.
It’s crazy to think the extreme shortfall of security in Godzilla Vs. Kong, isn’t it? Didn’t they have a budget of over $150,000,000?
The Whole Godzilla Vs. Kong on the Ocean Sequence
When they had Kong sedated on a ship, a lot of questions rattled my brain.
Kong isn’t a lightweight. The website kingkongsweight.com has a glorious infographic, which they allow to be embedded!
(via kingkongsweight.com)
Now, at first, I’ll admit I am dumb sometimes. I’m just a fat guy currently with a unibrow, so what do I know? I thought two titans fighting on a ship would definitely capsize the ship. I was even a little skeptical about whether or not a ship could even carry Kong.
And boy howdy, was I ever wrong about being skeptical about that…probably even more wrong than the security in Godzilla Vs. Kong!
Going by the largest ship in the world currently, the Orient Overseas Container Lines’ Hong Kong cargo ship has a deadweight of 197,317 TONS! Deadweight is the total amount the ship can carry, not even including 14,904 cubic meters of fuel it carries, or even the weight of the ship itself!
So, Kong’s 1,400 tons doesn’t seem like a big deal. At all. He only is .7% of what the OOCL Hong Kong can carry!
However, I still find it a little difficult to believe two Titans could have a battle on a cargo ship and the ship stays afloat.
The Sequence Shows that Kong Easily Defeats Godzilla!
Now, let’s move on to how Kong is completely dominant over Godzilla!
- This battle takes place in a habitat that GREATLY benefits Godzilla.
- At one point, Kong’s sedation is shown to be 88%. I am not sure if that means he is 88% sedated or is 88% fully aware. Regardless, he’s not at 100%.
The only benefit Kong has here are the humans. Except one. One really dumb human.
It skips my brain as to who, but some dumb human thought it would be wise to not release Kong when Godzilla is near. Now, I have no idea how that human thought they were going to fight off Godzilla in the middle of the ocean, but I digress.
Not to mention Kong is their supposedly only chance at finding what they need in Hollow Earth. Why would leaving him in chains be the solution here? He could escape, but he does have the bond with the girl and he isn’t leaving her any time soon.
Hubris. It’s a terrible drug.
I did also find it strange to see those depth charges only affect Godzilla. Does Kong have some sort of explosive resistant fur?
Favorite Quotes
Thankfully, the movie had some good quotes in it, and I need a break from the dumbness for a moment. But man, how terrible would an almost 2 hour movie be if it didn’t have at least one memorable quote? In my Nobody post, I specifically name one quote, but I think I’ll pick a couple from now on. What do you think?
The first comes from Simmons in the scene where he’s convincing Dr. Nathan Lind (Alexander Skarsgård) to join him in his quest to discover the source of the Titans’ energy. Lind thinks the idea of going to go on this journey is just crazy, to which Simmons responds,
“I love crazy ideas. They made me rich!”
During the final battle, the Bernie, Madison, and Josh are all in a panic, trying to figure out what they can do to save the world, as all teenagers with a middle aged black man do. Earlier in the movie, we are shown Bernie deals with the loss of his wife with whiskey. In this stressful moment, he reaches for his flask. It turns out its empty and he exclaims,
“I gotta die in here with you AND sober?”
What are your favorite quotes from the film? If you had the option, would you die sober or drunk?
How Would You Have Revealed Godzilla?
Here’s my Film Nerd side coming out. I was kind of let down by the fact Godzilla makes such an early appearance in the movie. By no means did I expect him to make anywhere near a Cloverfield appearance (in the last minutes of the movie), but right off the bat? Build up that anticipation!
If I were to pick a moment when they reveal Godzilla, if it HAD to be so close at the beginning of the movie, it would’ve been the Apex security in Godzilla Vs. Kong first appear. You know, of the whole minute of screen time the security had in the movie?
And he would’ve only appeared briefly after Bernie and the security are knocked down.
It would’ve put me more on the edge of my seat and saved tons of money in the production of the movie!
Not Quite as Dumb as the Security In Godzilla Vs. Kong
Now, of course, there were many lesser dumb moments than the whole security in Godzilla Vs. Kong silliness.
Movies Aren’t Real Life!
Oh man. I don’t know about y’all, but I go to the movies to escape. I definitely don’t go to a movie with fake monsters, fake technology, fake locations, fake security, etc. only to be blasted with a newsflash from no other than good ‘ol fake news CNN! WAIT! To be fair, I think all of the major networks mostly put out fake news! Hopefully I didn’t lose 90% of y’all with that statement.
They could’ve easily made “TNN” (Titan News Network, not The Nashville Network, ya dummie!) or just some other made up news source. I’m not sure how the deal went, but if they paid CNN to use CNN, then the movie is even dumber than I thought!
Why was Dr. Mark Russel (Kyle Chandler) arguing so hard with his daughter? Was he not aware Godzilla just destroyed an Apex compound nearby? And why would he be yelling at her to go back to school at a time like this?
Waiting til the Last Second to Launch
One of the most pivotal moments in the film is when Kong doesn’t want to go into the hole to Hollow Earth. It’s understandable for him to be hesitant.
What is not understandable is how nobody is ready to go into the hole after Kong!
It isn’t like Kong just sits there and waits for everyone to gear up and get into the HEAVs (Hollow Earth Aerial Vehicles). Once ‘ol girl (Jia, portrayed by Kaylee Hottle) lets him know that his family and home are down the hole, Kong darts into the hole! Meanwhile, the dumb humans scramble to get into their vehicles to follow Kong.
Don’t ask me why I address Jia as “‘ol girl,” hahaha! It turns out the actress, Kaylee Hottle, is actually deaf in real life. I have some notes on that which I will share in a future post!
I get it. Kong isn’t the fastest thing in the world, but in a moment like this, why would you not be ready to go in a split second’s notice?
I’ll admit, though, when they went through to Hollow Earth, I legitimately thought something broke down. The visual and audio is so on part for that moment. I thought the projector overloaded and broke down!
Dr. Linn, however, some way, some how, learned how to pilot a HEAV apparently. When did he have time to do that?
Poor Kong, Left for Dead
One thing movies seem to have a tough time getting right is time. Night turns to day or vice versa so fast sometimes. During that time, a lot could be accomplished, but like the security in Godzilla Vs. Kong, it just seems to be an afterthought!
Kong, Godzilla, and Mechagodzilla have a battle for the ages. If you decided you’d rather watch the movie on your measly little 48″ screen TV with your ONN sound bar, you made a mistake!
However, this battle Kong in bad shape. He’s laid out, barely breathing.
It was pitch black dark outside when this happened. Cut forward to when the sun is fully risen over the horizon, and now ‘ol girl, Dr. Ilene Andrews (Rebecca Hall), and Dr. Lind FINALLY check up on Kong.
Why do they wait so long to check on him?
Then Dr. Lind gets the idea to use an HEAV, which somehow he knows how to make explode, on Kong like a defibrillator. So at least they aren’t too late to save Kong!
Final Thoughts on the Security in Godzilla Vs. Kong and the Rest of the Movie
How about that ending though? That came out of nowhere! We went on this colossal ride and then the movie finishes kind of abruptly. I don’t know if I just wasn’t paying attention, but it didn’t set up for anything, did it?
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who was lost on this movie! Plenty of others have had several gripes, and some even hate the security in Godzilla Vs. Kong more than me!
It’s still out in theaters, so go see if it you get a couple hours. It’s definitely a big screen flick.
I’ll fully admit (and you’ll think of me dumb of it) but I got so excited when they were talking about going into Hollow Earth in a new vehicle built to go through earth. My mind went straight to The Core. Oh, The Core is dumb sometimes, don’t get me wrong, but boy howdy do I wish I could see that movie in the theater!
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